Hanuman begins to sail across the firmament feeling so overwhelmed with happiness. He has finally discovered where Sita is and does not know how to approach Rama with the great news. He thinks to himself how he must approach this in a calm manner because this is what Rama expected from him. He does not want to come off too excited to Rama because, even though he found Sita. It will be such a hard task to get her back because of how protected she is by the enemy. He has this great news he thinks he still will approach Rama very excited even though she is still captured. When Rama finds out where she is Hanuman believes that Rama has the power to destroy everyone to get his love back.
Hanuman says to himself, “ I think I will say something along the lines of, Rama, to no surprise I have found where Sita has been. She is still alive and I have been flying for many hours as long as I could just to tell you the great news.”
While Hanuman goes over what he is going to say, he is approaching Rama with the good news and finally has reached him. Of course, Hanuman is still filled with joy when he tells Rama.
Hanuman says, “ Rama, we have found her. We finally found Sita.”
Rama is in shock when he hears the news about Sita but he thinks "is she okay? Is there something wrong with her?"
Rama says, “ My friend, I cannot believe you have finally found her but why is my beloved Sita not with you?”
Hanuman has been so worried about what he is going to tell Rama that he forgets Ravana still has Sita at his palace.
Hanuman says, “ Rama, I was not able to get her because of the strength of Ravana’s army. You must go to your wife and bring everyone you have because Ravana is ready for a battle.”
Rama thinks to himself that he must gather the strongest men to create an army that will defeat Ravana. While the time passes, Rama finds his army and he sets off to defeat Ravana.
Rama tells his army, “ My fellow soldiers, we have set off to find Sita and destroy our long-time enemy. This will be the battle of the century for us. We must be brave and we will outlast our enemy. “
Rama closes in on the palace and the first to await him is Ravana and his men. Without any words the battle begins and for many hours there is a lot of blood shed and many good men that are lost but at the end of the battle there are only two left.
Rama says, “ I will spare your life if you give me what I came for, Sita.”
Ravana says,” I will not just give up that easy. You must get past me first.”
Rama and Ravana go at it and through the strength of both men the fight lasts a long time but in the end…….
 |
| The battle |
Author's Note: In the story of "The Army Sets Off" it begins with Hanuman setting off to tell Rama the good news about Sita. It deals with Ravana and Rama about to go to battle and that’s what I am going to focus on in my story. I am going to talk about a version that I think is more dealing with the beginning of this story. I am going to talk about how Rama and Ravana begin this battle and use dialogue that makes it more interesting to me. I am going to stick to the plot pretty close but add some details that I have imagined. I also have little interest in bringing in more characters because I think it will cause confusion on how I tell this story. I also started the story off exciting by telling the readers how Hanuman found Sita. The unfortunate part of the story is that Ravana and his men protect Sita and the hard part will be getting Sita. I also said in my story that Hanuman thinks Rama has the capabilities to get Sita back with his powers. This story is filled with excitement but it ends with curiosity and mystery. My story is a little bit different because the original story involves monkeys and bears but my story involves men.
Bibliography: Ramayana: India's Immortal Tale of Adventure, Love and Wisdom,
Author: Krishna Dharma, 2008
It has been so long since I have read the Ramayana that this is a great reminder of perhaps the most important battle of the entire book. Thank you for the refresher! One thing I like about your retelling is that you detail what Hanuman and Rama thought. The Ramayana provides us with a lot of dialog, but I do not remember seeing much, if any, details about what each character thought throughout the events. We all think, right? So, it only seems natural to include this in a tale. It makes the characters more personal and gives us a little more info about each character's personality. Great addition!
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job breaking the story up into small, manageable sections, but there are a few sentences are unclear to me. I'll list a few below. Be sure to verify them yourself. I am by no means an expert.
"Hanuman begins to sail across the firmament feel overwhelmed with happiness."
<== Do you mean "As Hanuman began to sail across the firmament he was overwhelmed with happiness"?
“ I think I will say something along the lines as, [']Rama to now surprise I have found where Sita has been and I have been sailing more many hours as long as I could just to tell you the great news.[']”
<== Hanuman's dialog about himself also needs to be in quotes (even though it is already within quoted speech). Also, you might want to play with this sentence a bit. Maybe you could say 'Rama, as a surprise, I have located Sita. I sailed as quickly as I could to tell you this great news.'
"While Hanuman [] goes over what he is going to say [to Rama], he [] finally [arrives]."
<== Consider revising this sentence a bit.
There are a few more mistakes like the ones listed above. I always find mistakes in my stories when I read them aloud. Our brains do such a good job skipping over the little things that we often fail to notice them. I'm sure that reading out loud will help you as much as it does me.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story. It was a great refresher and added a new dynamic to the original. I look forward to seeing your story for next week. Hopefully you will continue with this and bring it to a close.
Hi Thomas,
ReplyDeleteI liked how you took time to inform the reader about what the characters were thinking. This gives more insight to what is truly going on. I did notice that there were quite a few typos throughout the story, so I would read through it again to catch those. Great story! Thanks for sharing.
I've never thought to look at things from Hanuman's prespective in the stories, so this was very interesting to read. Your use of dialogue between the characters also made it more fun to read along. That was quite a cliff hanger at the end though! I think I have a pretty good guess of what happens next. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Thomas,
ReplyDeleteI like that you gave us an insight into what you thought Hanuman was thinking as he was returning from his journey to find Sita. You made Hanuman out to be a little worrisome, but from what I have read about him he seems like he always wanted to please Rama, so this fits. I also noticed a few typos throughout the story. Clearing those up will definitely improve the story and make for a clearer read.
Thomas,
ReplyDeleteI love that you ended the story with a cliffhanger. It makes your reader want to come back for more! It was a great idea to write about the preparation for the war to get Sita. As a suggestion, I would make all of your words in a white color. It is hard to read the black font on the gray background. Overall, you did a wonderful job with your storytelling!