Arjuna decides to meet his brothers
and reunite with them after many nights of being apart. Arjuna has been living
in Indra’s celestial city, Amaravati, for many years while his brothers have
been living in the forest of Kamyaka. The forest is located by the Kuru Kingdom. His brothers, Draupadi, and the
priest Dhaumya have all been living together while Arjuna has been traveling
the world. He has come in contact with the great sages, who are good friends of Yudhishthira and his brothers.
The great
sages have been friends with Yudhishthira and his brothers now for quite some time and during their time as
friends they have played many dice games and for all of the experiences Arjuna has encountered, he wanted revenge. As the dice game went on it was clear that the sages were going to win again. The sages are not only playing partners for dice with Arjuna but they are mysterious religious figures throughout the city of Amaravati, where
they happened to meet. The sages for many years have been considered religious figures in the holy city.
After the
dice games the sages say, “It is time to cleanse ourselves of our sins.” The
brothers gather around in the forest where they traveled to after the games. They sit in silence while the sages begin the process of
releasing the brothers of any bad sins. Once the sages finish the process of the fire altar the
brothers thank them and the sages are on their way.
Arjuna says,"My brothers, the Himalayas is the most beautiful place that you will ever see and I beg of all to come with me." He begins to say that it is in the Himalayas and will take a couple
of days to get there but if they go then it would change their lives forever.
Of course they proceed to go with Arjuna because of the grave interest they
have for seeing this region. The brothers began to talk in excitement and say," What are we going to see there? Whatever it is I cannot wait to see the beauty you speak of."Along the way Arjuna tells them of all the
wonderful crystal and gold palaces and the high walls that are studded with
jewels everywhere. Arjuna says," My brothers, you will fall in love with all of the crystals and gold; they surround the kingdom." Along the way he puts images in his brothers' heads that
they are about to witness the most beautiful place on Earth but what they did
not know is that Arjuna was leading them into a trap set by Kubera.
The trap
set by Kubera, the lord of treasure and king of yahshas, is in place to take
Arjuna into captivity because Kubera found out that Arjuna has stolen from him
recently. Arjuna specifically took many of the jewels around the castle. He was able to get the jewels by picking them off the walls. Over the years the wall has eroded leaving it easy to pick of the jewels. On the other hand, Kubera does not know that Arjuna’s brothers are with him but also
Arjuna does not know that Kubera has made such a plan. This trap is set in the
gardens with the bright blowers and the trap is a hole that has a blanket over
it that looks like dirt. Once Arjuna steps onto this trap he and his brothers
will be dropped into a hole until Kubera decides to take them out.
The brothers and Arjuna begin
walking towards the trap. One step will cause a deep plunge and Arjuna's next
step causes them to fall into the hole. Each one of them is knocked unconscious
but that is not the bad part. Kubera does not mess around with thieves and he
has put hundreds of poisonous snakes into the pit and the brothers suffer a
gruesome death.
Kubera thinks he has killed the brothers until the great sages come form out of no where from the top of the Himalayas to save the brothers. There is a mighty battle between the sages and Kubera and the sages know that time is not on their side and one of sages is able to slip past Kubera while the others distract him. When one of the sages get to the trap, he tosses down a rope to lift them up to safety. When the other sages notice the brothers have reached safety, they all begin to retreat back to the top of the Himalayas. Kubera goes back and searches for the brothers in his trap but notice they have all been rescued.
Kubera thinks he has killed the brothers until the great sages come form out of no where from the top of the Himalayas to save the brothers. There is a mighty battle between the sages and Kubera and the sages know that time is not on their side and one of sages is able to slip past Kubera while the others distract him. When one of the sages get to the trap, he tosses down a rope to lift them up to safety. When the other sages notice the brothers have reached safety, they all begin to retreat back to the top of the Himalayas. Kubera goes back and searches for the brothers in his trap but notice they have all been rescued.
Author's Note: The story is about Arjuna and his brothers going to the forest of Kamyaka and meeting sages but then visiting a king named Kubera known as the god of treasure. They spent time looking around the kingdom in amazement about how beautiful it is. The brothers also spent a lot of time with Kubera and observed the treasures in the kingdom. Then Kubera walked towards them and spoke wisdom to Yudhishthira. The exiles after that wandered on and they sighed for Arjuna and they beheld the bright car of Indra. Then Indra came into the story and he also introduced apsaras and gandharvas. They are characters that hosted Indra and they adored him extremely. Since they adored him so much the god promised Yudhishthira that he would reign in splendor over all men. After this Arjuna appeared again and he was showered with praise and then all of the Pandavas returned. Markandeya, also known as the mighty sage, visited them. The mighty sages have endured many world ages and he told the brothers all the great stories about the beginning of his time. This story is so great because of the detail involved in this story and I am glad I picked it to write about. In my story I have altered the details of the story so that is why it might be different from the original. I also felt like I wanted to change up the role of Kubera. The trap set by him is also a twist to my story and I developed this to cause excitement in the story.
Bibliography: The Himalayas, The Public Mahabharta, Donald Mackenzie, 1913. Mahabharta
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| Kubera |
I like that you changed the role that Kubera played in your retelling of this story. If the story unfolded the way that you told it we would have quite a short Mahahbharata haha! That being said, I am a fan of making endings that are not "happy". I feel that there are enough stories with happy endings and it is nice to have a change up every once in a while.
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ReplyDeleteThomas, I liked how you changed the ending to be so dramatic! It would make the epic ends short, but I like the idea of things not always working out the way people think. It is so much more realistic. You did a nice job of retelling the story with a few twists here and there. The story seemed to kind of flow together, which worked in some areas and made it feel endless in others. I do like the picture that you chose to use for you story. I think those stone status are just so neat, mainly because I have no idea how to make them. I got stuck on a few typos and grammatical errors but I did enjoy reading your story. The trap that Kubera came up with was very tricky! I also liked the description you gave of the Himalayas with the jewels and riches every where. I wish it were all real though!
ReplyDeleteThomas! Great work! I enjoyed reading your story this week. You did a great job in description because you were able to set the scene so well. As cynical as it sounds, I liked the ending you wrote. I believe that not every story needs a happy ending. Another thing I really liked was your author's note. Even though it has nothing to do with the story itself, it really help understand where you coming from and going towards. All in all, this story was and is awesome. Can't wait to see what you come up with next!
ReplyDeleteHey Thomas! I love that you were bold enough to straight-up do a drastic plot twist and change the whole story. I think that was a brave, creative move, and it definitely surprised me!
ReplyDeleteInteresting choice to use the present tense for this story; was this a deliberate effort to set a certain tone? I think it made the story seem more casual and flowing, and the passage of time seemed kind of indeterminate. Definitely a neat effect, intentional or not!
I do think some of the grammar gets a bit confusing, particularly at the beginning of the story. Because of the way it's worded, I wasn't sure if you made some intentional changes to the story or if I was just misinterpreting your meaning. Particularly, I was confused by Yudhishthura being the name of the city, and Draupadi being a Pandava brother. Maybe there's a way to revise to make those things more clear?
Great job overall!
Hello Thomas. Your story was not too lengthy but it delivered all of the necessary information to the reader effectively. From the introduction of the characters to establishing the setting, all of these plot devices were executed well. I would say that maybe reading the story again to pick up on any misspelled or missing words may help your story. I sometimes have the same issue with spelling and re-reading so the comment comes from my own experiences. I noticed a few misspelled words in the Author's note as well. Also, remembering to use the upper case for some of your nouns may help you for this story.
ReplyDeleteI assume that you have completed the 'Mahabharata' already. I wonder what reading you will be using in the future to write your next story or will you be sticking with one of our older readings like ‘The Ramayana’ perhaps? What if you picked a reading about fables and mythology so that you could ensure that you will always have something totally new to write about with each story?
The very first thing I noticed from your story, before I even started reading it, is that it’s really compact. What I mean, is that the person speaking is not separated from your paragraphs, it makes it look its mushed together and can be rather difficult to read. I think it was a great idea to set up the setting at the beginning because it really gives the readers a place and time. The same goes for the description of the characters. It doesn’t draw the reader in as much, but it sets up the whole story, which may be even better!:) I like the inclusion of treasure hunting for your story. It reminded me a lot of Indiana Jones and The Mummy. I only wish that the story was a little longer and fleshed out. I wanted to see the brothers get involved in various traps and overcome them, which resulted them getting back their kingdom. In the end I think you have a wonderful concept. There are just minor issues grammar wise (which I’m hugely guilty of to).
ReplyDeleteHi Thomas,
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed reading your story. I like that you gave the sages more realistic qualities. They gamble although they know that the act is wrong, and immediately they repent afterwards.
I did find a few grammatical errors and sentences that should to be looked over again. One was “As they sit in silence while the sages begin the process of releasing the brothers of bad sins.” It sounds like an incomplete thought with the word as in it.
In paragraph three “He begins to say that it is in the Himalayas…” Have you thought about putting that sentence in quotes since Arjuna is directing that sentence to his brothers?
Lastly, the sentence where you describe Arjuna taking jewels from the palace walls. I’m guilty of making grammatical mistakes most of the time, and I usually go back and reread the posts days later that way I have a fresh outlook.
Hi, Thomas!
ReplyDeleteFirst, your Author’s Note did a good job of describing the original story, and explaining exactly how you changed things up. I like that you went for a bold twist, rather than leaving the story as is—many of my favorite storytellings in this class have been dramatically different than the originals, and I truly think that lends a very exciting tone to the stories as a whole. I totally had an Indiana Jones flashback when I realized the pit was filled with snakes! That would definitely be an uncomfortable experience.
I think it was wise of you to break up the paragraphs, judging by the other student’s comments. The use of the present tense was a little tough for me to get on board with as it is, and I think it would have been completely overwhelming without breaking within the narrative. I am curious as to why you chose to use the present tense—it can be incredibly tough to pull off.
Overall, I liked the direction in which you took this story. It was a bold move to change the ending like you did, and I think it paid off! Although I personally wasn’t crazy about the use of the present tense, I think that might be more of a personal hang-up than anything. Good job!
Thomas, great job! I really liked how you switched things up a little bit and made the Kubera play a different role than the original indian tale. You also did a great job of setting up the story in the beginning so it was easy to follow later on. I really like the trap that was set with the hole in the ground. It reminded me of those old episodes of Scooby Doo where they always fall into little traps like that! It was cool how the ending kind of went back and forth between the brothers being defeated, and being rescued. It was suspenseful because at any point it could’ve gone any direction. But when the sages come to rescue them, they are clearly cunning enough to trick Kubera and his men in order to successfully rescue the brothers from the trap. The last line ends the story really well to let the reader know that each of them escaped.
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